OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
