sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize