it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
