I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
