when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
