Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
