Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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