i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
