Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize