At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
