Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
