Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
