i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
