I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
