I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
