Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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