Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
