Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
