I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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