i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
