Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
