if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
2020 sucks, I want a refund
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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