yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize