its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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