you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
