A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Still dying that you shit outside
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
