guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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