I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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