She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
