If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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