Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
