Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I believe in your delicious
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
