I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
