One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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