Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
