Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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