Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
