this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
