I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
