we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
