He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
