How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize