I can text with my tongue
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
