Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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