so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize