On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Randomize
