I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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