and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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