I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
