so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
