I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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