Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
