After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
