They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
