i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
