Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just want nice things and good sex
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
