I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
