i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
