On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
