just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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