I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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