He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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