if only i could text you this smell
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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