i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
