Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
