anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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