i permit you to call me
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The adults are the big ones right?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
