Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
