Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
