So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
