just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
