i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
